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How to learn to love the people around you and what will help?

How can you love those who are rude, lying, substituting, betraying? After all, then love will look, at least, stupid, and we will be considered a “near-minded” person who does not understand people.

Of course, because in such cases it is customary to condemn people, despise, take offense at them, and even worse, take revenge. No one will look at us askance if we pour mud on a person who, for example, deceived us. Or teach a friend who screamed at us. But if we say that he is the same as everyone, with his own strengths and weaknesses, and that he has the right to make mistakes, we will be considered a strange person.

If we sincerely look into our inner world, we can notice that fear “that others will think of me” often leads our lives. The norms established in society form our life, and we are simply afraid to stand out from the crowd and express our radically different opinion.

And if a person really does not understand how to love those who spoil his mood, who dishonestly treats him, who just annoys him? How can you love criminals, maniacs? Those who control the fate of others, playing?

To love people, one must learn to perceive them not as bodies, but as souls. Souls who have not realized their destiny to become a Man. Souls who have turned off the right path and are mired in ignorance. Souls who have forgotten why they were born on Earth. After all, every person is born in order to become better than he was in a previous life, to correct his mistakes, to ascend above himself. And the main thing is to bring Love to the world. But at some point he forgets about it, and gets angry, deceives, betrays. It destroys everything around itself and carries not love, but hatred. To help him return to his destiny, to return him to the true path, he needs to be pitied and loved. Show by your example that the creative and warming heart is the only force - Love. And do not be angry at him in response, offended or avenged. This is a work on oneself, allowing one to deal with internal contradictions, helping to know one’s inner world, and finally to realize one’s spiritual nature.

We must understand that any bad deed comes back to a person with double power. Life will give everyone what they deserve, because we always get what we give. We earn karma throughout our lives: both good and bad. And the more a person sins in this life, the worse he will have in the next. And if in response to rudeness, falsehood or betrayal, we answer the same, we will only make ourselves worse.

Therefore, you need, like a delicate flower, to slowly cultivate love in your heart. And do not blame the people who hurt us, are rude in transport, cheat. And mentally wish them happiness. I sincerely wish to quickly understand what they were born on Earth for and what they are doing here.

How to learn to love people?

To learn how to really love people and perceive them as they really are, you need to learn how to act according to the following scheme:

  • begin to regularly thank life for all the good that it has given and is giving,
  • Declare love to your family and friends more often,
  • do not spill anger on people around them that does not concern them in any way,
  • not try to put others in any specific framework, because everyone has their own understanding,
  • react to conflict situations more calmly, perceiving a person as a child who is only a little mistaken,
  • learn to embrace the people around you in a friendly manner and express your sincere feelings,
  • smile when meeting even strangers.

Yes, sometimes it’s quite difficult to learn all this, but it’s still possible. The main thing you need to remember in order to learn to love someone, is, first of all, to love yourself and then everything will be just fine.

The right attitude

To learn to love someone, you need to give yourself the right attitude. Having protected yourself from the whole world for a moment, it is worth considering that each of us is an individuality, which has its own advantages and disadvantages.

It is worth trying to look at yourself from the outside, to understand the fact that not everyone likes our actions, but at the same time you want to get love and respect. You need to understand that not only our "I" requires a similar attitude, but other people deserve it. Having given yourself such an effective attitude, it is quite possible to learn to love the people who surround us.

Working affirmations

Affirmations are statements that make a person’s psyche work in a certain direction and trigger a specific installation. You need to stock up on important phrases that program the subconscious mind and say that a particular person loves others and treats them well, write these phrases on a piece of paper, and then perform the following steps:

  • to repeat phrases about love for people several times a day (it is advisable to do it in a voice),
  • combine these phrases using other psychological techniques,
  • regularly work on yourself, not missing a single moment in life.

If you correctly use phrases that have the ability to code consciousness for specific actions, then you can learn to love the people around you.

Some techniques

To learn how to love people, first of all, it’s worth understanding that we also have some certain disadvantages that not everyone is ready and willing to put up with. It’s worth striving to change yourself for the better, and then the attitude towards everyone around us will begin to change. The following techniques will help you to truly love people:

  • development of the perception of each person as a person,
  • the realization that no one is perfect
  • rejection of the perception of everything in a certain framework and standards and the knowledge that the world is diverse and the people in it too,
  • the ability to relate well to oneself,
  • repetition of phrases that program and motivate consciousness.

In fact, everything is not as complicated as it might seem at first glance. Proper motivation and normal self-esteem are factors that can solve many problems.

Small conclusion

Learning to love other people is not difficult at all, but for this you need, first of all, to love yourself. Using certain psychological practices and attitudes you can get a very good result.

Yes, for that. in order to learn to love and perceive others as they really are, it will take not a day or even a month, but the result is worth the effort. By falling in love with people and the world around you, you can make your life calm and beautiful.

What is often confused with this concept

This concept has nothing to do with narcissism!

True love does not mean at all to consider yourself "the navel of the earth" and think that "everything is lower than you."

True love for yourself - This is a natural and modest sense of self that you accept in yourself.

There is no tension and effort.

Having this feeling you:

  • you are in harmony with yourself
  • walking the world is easy
  • you feel confident in any situation
  • respect everything you do and what you say.

It is such a mundane and natural feeling.

Let’s figure out where to start in order to love yourself completely and completely. Consider all 19 ways.

1. Realize that no one and nothing external will complement you, you are already self-sufficient

  1. You must love yourself no matter you have a second ladle or not.
    You should not see your happiness only in your girlfriend or boyfriend. Know all the ways of liberation from love addiction.
  2. No thing will complement you. These are all external temporal attributes. Your love for yourself should not be based on what you are wearing or what kind of car you have.
  3. It's a mistake to love yourself for a cool hairstyle or a cool T-shirt. The t-shirt will fade and someday tear. And the hairstyle will deteriorate due to the wind, and sooner or later you will grow.
  4. You love yourself just like that, for no reason. Understanding this will close your questions about how to love yourself and increase self-esteem.

What is behind the criticism?

What is the root of the situation and how to love people? Behind a critical assessment of members of society, as a rule, is self-doubt and hostility to their appearance. Surely you have witnessed a situation where a young girl viciously evaluates another because of the insufficiently long skirt. She necessarily compares herself and is comforted by the fact that she is still well done: she does not allow herself to wear such "terrible" things. Or a man who is not endowed with biceps will never recognize the beauty of a sculpted body. Rather, he will demonstrate absolute disinterest and completely discount the other's biceps. Equal attitude to people - this is the central evidence of self-confidence, real, not invented. Here's the whole snag: the acceptance of others and a positive attitude towards them is a consequence of self-love (do not confuse with selfishness!).

Mantra - all people are different, and this is wonderful. So, you need to gather strength and try to heal the injured ego, and then look at others with new eyes. It must be remembered that you are a unique copy of yourself; accordingly, it would be great to remove the mask of uncertainty and understand that each person is an individual. It is necessary to allow others to be themselves.

Accept yourself as you are

Love yourself in any manifestation and expression, in any verbal and non-verbal expression.

  1. Love all your mistakes you made in the past.
    This is important because people often blame themselves, hate themselves and despise for the things that were done in the past.
  2. At that point in time and with that knowledge, that action was the most correct for you. Realize that you did those actions in the past that led to mistakes because you thought at that moment that they would be the most correct for you.
    Of course, then you acknowledge the error, but you love yourself with these errors and accept them.
  3. Thanks to your mistakes, where you are now.
    They made you stronger and stronger. Implement this knowledge and no longer worry about how to learn to love and respect yourself.

Let people take off their masks

Once Bernard Werber, a French writer, very originally, but so truthfully described the need for acceptance of people:

“Are you mad at the grass because it's green?”

- Not! Not angry. What's the point of this? She will not become less green from this.

- And then what is the point of being angry with a person, because he is not what you imagine him to be?

The initial stage of accepting people as real is the exclusion of one’s own affections and leaving the individual world, which implies an absolute separation of one’s and another’s. A person should fully experience freedom, and then give it to others. Contemplation of one’s own emotions is the most important task of achieving inner harmony, because through this process a person is able to accept his thoughts and state of mind, and therefore, understand and stop judging others.

Accept all your shortcomings and love yourself with them: there is what is

Mantra for all occasions: “There is what is. And that’s normal. ”

Example. Yesterday I screwed up in front of people, could not make a report and did not prepare.

There is what is, and that’s normal.

Use this phrase as practical advice on how to love yourself and stop practicing self-flagellation.

What is the fine linethat many forget about:

  • This does not mean that you have now come to terms with the fact that you are a dull and boring creature and now you are always lying on the couch and doing nothing! Not.
  • You still strive to be the best version of yourself.
  • You just do not blame yourself for your shortcomings.

3. You don't need a reason to love yourself

You are self-sufficient and must love yourself for no reason.

As soon as you start thinking: “I love myself because ...”, there are immediately reasons for not loving yourself!

If you are looking for reasons to love yourself, you will find reasons for doubt!

You love yourself and the point. Without a reason.

You are already self-sufficient and there is no reason for the opposite.

Thanks to this awareness, you will know everything about how to love yourself and increase self-esteem for a woman or a man.

4. Stop putting people on pedestals and realize that everyone is equal

No one is better or worse than you.

Stop comparing yourself to other people and undermining your self-esteem.

Otherwise, you will end up in an endless race with yourself and you will never solve your questions about how to love yourself and be a confident person.

Get out of social programming. Be aware of how people zombie.

Make a choice and allow yourself to be equal with everyone and experience inner lightness.

5. Never compare yourself with others.

Comparison of oneself with others always causes a feeling of self-sufficiency and condemnation of oneself.

Never chase after others and do not strive to be who you are not!

Example. You look at your neighbor, how he lives successfully and how his business is flourishing, you compare with your state of affairs, and you upset yourself and are loaded because of this comparison.

Comparing oneself to others prevents one from accepting oneself.

The best you can do is be yourself.

Do not try to be who you are not. Do not try to be like everyone else.

Be yourself and go beyond your capabilities, expand your comfort zone.

It often happens that unconscious girls compare themselves to each other. And as a result, then they always compete with someone. It is like an endless wheel of suffering and chasing.

With this type of thinking, women's questions about how to love yourself and increase self-esteem in the psychology of perception will remain open forever.

With whom can you compare yourself?

The only person you have to compare yourself with is it's you yourself!

For example, what you were yesterday and what you are today.

A fine line. Try to compare yourself with yourself NOT regarding the achieved results, but regarding the new knowledge and awareness gained.

Ask yourself these questions daily:

  • What made me wiser than yesterday and what did I learn new?
  • What lessons have I learned from today?
  • Am I out of my comfort zone today?

Only such a comparison with oneself takes place.

If the answer is no, then you remind yourself of what you need to work on and where to strive.

How to learn to love without attachment

Love is a great feeling that everyone should experience. After all, without love, there is no life. So many believe. A man who loves is happy. It’s always nice to look in the eyes of the one you love. But sometimes, love can make you a slave, so you need to be extremely careful and know everything to the best of your ability.

Many psychologists on this subject say that you can get rid of attachment. You will need to imagine your life without a loved one. Of course, before you appears one of the worst pictures that you could ever see. After all, when you are attached to any person, then besides him in life, you do not care.

Also, you will be very sad. Do not forget that now no one will give all their love and warmth. If you imagine a similar situation, then you can understand that without this person, you can exist and continue to live. Yes, at first it will be very difficult and life will be unbearable, but then, you will understand that life goes on.

How to learn to love without attachment? Once you have imagined a situation without a loved one, you will need to remember those times when you lived without love. You solved your problems yourself and completely coped with them.But do not forget that you can give love to your friends and relatives. They are also very worried about you. And never leave them without your love.

Keep chatting with friends. It is very useful to diversify your life, communicating with other interesting people. But many people on this score say that going to a party without a loved one is very wrong. But this is not so. It is necessary at least once a week to walk alone with friends. Also, recommend to do as well as your soul mate. And do not disregard the fact that you will find a lot of new and interesting topics for conversation.

Find a hobby that will allow you to develop only for the better. After all, if you do something, then attachment to a particular person will disappear. So go ahead, look for new hobbies that can entertain you. It can be both reading books and drawing. In general, it can be anything just for you.

Well, if you understand that without this person you can’t live for a second and can simply lose the meaning of life without this person, then it’s better to go to a specialist in your field - a psychologist, and then he will help you learn to love without attachment.

How to teach a person to love

Only someone with a pure soul who loves himself can teach another to love. Often people who know how to love have a very pleasant emotional background. Therefore, try to eradicate unpleasant negative emotions from your soul. Do not allow irritability even in the morning transport.

First, stop experiencing negative emotions to others, then your internal state will harmonize with your behavior over time. It is useful for women to restrain emotions, since hormones provide reliable protection of the heart until menopause. But, for example, when building a career, self-control cannot be dispensed with,

Do not be afraid or avoid situations that may raise you. You must learn to love. It is those in which your partner may misfire. He can be very logical, but emotionally insensitive, so his behavior in ambiguous situations may not be the way you would like it to be. Do not be afraid of such situations.

For example, you are very worried about any lost thing. In the best case, the beloved will offer to buy a new thing in return for the lost one. But at worst - you will be reproached for inattention. If he cannot but blame you, you need a lesson in love.

Talk to him and explain that in this case the thing does not matter to you, where his understanding and support is more important. Often a man simply does not understand what kind of reaction is expected from him, from which he is angry or annoyed. To teach a person to love, tell him what you want from him, explain this situation “on the fingers”. Men often do not understand the female need for empathy,

If you have taken the position of a teacher - be patient. If your attempts have not yielded results the first time, all the same continue to try to teach to love a person. Then, when you are of great importance to him, he will be able to force himself to change. Just often men do not have a clue what kind of behavior will be approved by the ladies. Support even his smallest achievement with praise and approval, because he really deserved it.

(six skills to learn to love based on Erich Fromm)

The first thing we must learn to do is to breed concepts that are often confused - in a fatal way. We will divorce such parties as “love - falling in love” and “love - dependence”.

What is the difference between love and falling in love (basic)?

The simplest thing is that falling in love is short-lived. She lives no more than six months. Six months for falling in love - this is generally methuselah century.

Falling in love is a temporary FUSION of two personalities, where Personalities recede into the background. This is reminiscent of Friday drinking (forgetting to hell with work) or dancing at a night disco (the same reason).

Love is a Dionysian feeling. Love is apollonic.


Love - turns off the mind (and thank her for that). Love - hones the mind (thank you very much!). As one classic of ancient Greek politics said about his friend’s wife, Geter: “She did not know literacy and was not trained in the arts. Love alone was her Master. She gave her inspiration to compose verses singing the beloved and put a harp in her hands to accompany these verses. "

Unlike love, falling in love is involuntary (taste the word and quickly spit it out).

She, you know, does not require effort. Falling in love is what is happening with us. This is good for a start. But what fell into your hands - by chance, try to hold on to it! And here they begin efforts - efforts of Love. The LABOR begins, which made of a monkey (who has everything in order with his sex life) a man (who may die from love - and no one will condemn him for this).

As severe psychologists say (there are some), love is the result of a volitional act and conscious choice, which requires mental and physical work.

What is the difference between love and dependence (basic)?

There is a passive and active dependence.

This is when we need love only in order to solve all our everyday and existential problems, the main of which is the fear of life and the fear of not coping with it on our own.

Here you need to outline a very thin line.

Actually, the existential fear of life, the feeling of a person’s total loneliness are normal experiences and they don’t drink pills. It is these experiences that push each other into the arms of people from time immemorial. As they say, in a cold bed it is easier to warm up together than with alcohol. (here's an example of a zevgma that I don’t like, because in my ear it always sounds clumsy)

Here, the words from Ecclesiastes are immediately recalled:

“Two are better than one, for if one falls, the other will raise his companion. And even if both fall, then it will be warm to them, but how can one keep warm? ”

Nevertheless, you understand where the line between the simple human desire to keep warm and pathological dependence on a partner lies?

And one more nuance.

“Love to solve all your everyday and existential problems”? - phew, how disgusting! Well, I agree.

Just do not go too far. Some domestic and existential problems are still traditionally solved by partners. Someone, for example, carries a weight. Someone creates coziness. Someone works as a home therapist.

You can, of course, eat all your life in a bistro (so as not to carry heavy loads), live in a motel room (so as not to create comfort) and cry in a vest for a paid psychoanalyst (so as not to overload each other). But this is a rare lifestyle, artsy and far from our realities.

By the way, sufferers of passive addiction sometimes still give something to a partner.

But you cannot fool a shrewd soul. You will immediately feel that all this is given only for the purpose of keeping the partner in place.

A person suffering from active dependence needs a slave with whom he can entertain his low self-esteem. Therefore, such a person is looking for a partner whom he can subordinate to himself - completely. To do this, the partner encourages helplessness and independence.

Fear Danians bringing gifts!

Now that we have divorced the concepts, let's turn to those SKILLS that you need to develop in yourself for those who want to LEARN TO LOVE — all of us, I suppose.

The ability to learn to love number 3

“How did you leave - I'm in a cry.
The women came running.
Not! Separations (they say) cannot be endured.
So missed you that me. held
There’s even a reason not to get bored. ”

We must learn to do without each other. This is perhaps the most important thing on this list - think about the item. People are annoyed and scared by lovers who, when parting, fall into hysteria or suspended animation and come to life only when the lover returns to his place. Such conditions are characteristic of falling in love - an acute personality disorder.

The ability to learn to love №4

We must learn to openly express our emotions towards our partner, especially negative ones. This is called "honesty in family relationships." We must also learn to openly express our needs, which we would not want. “He knows less - sleeps better?” Yes, but you won’t sleep better from this - think about your health! What will many years of lies? If the condition for preserving the marriage is a lie laid in its foundation, then this is a plot for ancient tragedy, and not a scenario of a healthy life.

The ability to learn to love №5

We must learn to experience keen interest and even love (!) For other people, for the whole world around us. If you cut off all friendship ties by sacrificing them to your family, then all family psychologists will tackle together, who is for the heart, who is for the head - do not bring them to these gestures. And do not listen to those townsfolk who consider self-enclosed families that despise the outside world as the ideal of the family. This is a neurosis, not an ideal.

The ability to learn to love №6

We must cultivate courage. A coward does not play hockey and does not start a family. But if you already started, learn not to be a coward. Life is the risk of suffering, pain, change and inevitable loss. Living together is all this risk, but doubly.

Are you ready for this quest?

Each person is special and deserves the love of not only those around him, but also the most important creature in his life - himself. Often, especially in times of difficulty, it seems to us that we are not worthy of love at all.

However, you should never forget about your well-being and happiness.

This does not mean that a person should become a narcissistic egoist, he just has to love himself first of all in order to live a bright life and break out of the circle of restrictions and prohibitions.

So, right from today, start loving yourself:

1. Let your day begin with nice words to yourself. Tell yourself how well you do your job, how great you look today, etc. Tell yourself anything that will make you feel better.

2. Eat not only what will saturate you physically, but also try to eat something that fills you with energy.

3. Exercise daily. Over time, you will love that beautiful body in which you were born.

4. You should not always unconditionally trust those thoughts that lurk in your head, because inside each of us there is a critic who seeks to protect us from troubles.

However, often, he pushes away from us not only trouble, but also all the good things that could happen to us.

5. Let there be people around you who will love and inspire you. Let them remind you how good you are.

6. Stop constantly comparing yourself with someone. The second one like you does not exist, therefore, it makes no sense to compare yourself with someone else. Compare yourself exclusively to yourself.

7. Get rid of poisonous personal relationships. Any person in whose society you feel bad does not deserve to be in your life.

8. Celebrate your achievements, large or small. Be proud of yourself.

9. Try something new. The feeling that a person experiences while doing something new for himself cannot be compared with anything. This is unbelievable.

10. Accept what makes you different from the rest and love it in yourself, because it is because of this that you are special.

11. Understand for yourself, finally, that beauty is exclusively in the eye of the beholder. Do not let all these glossy photoshop bodies make you feel imperfect, but do not forget to work on yourself.

12. Strive to remain calm in all circumstances. Take a deep breath and be yourself.

13. Do not let go of your passion, follow it. Each of us knows our passion - this is what scares and attracts you at the same time. What you want to do for a long time, but are afraid that nothing will work out. Allow yourself to follow your dream.

14. Be patient and stay persistent. Self-love is a constant growth. Today strive to be better than yourself yesterday. This must be practiced daily.

Be kind to yourself, encourage and support yourself.

How to love yourself

15. Realize what you think, feel, and what you need. Live your life this way.

16. Love and respect should be at the heart of your relationship with other people. Everyone knows the truth - treat the other person the way you want him to relate to you.

Of course, not everyone will answer you kindly with kindness, but this is not your problem, but theirs.

17. Every day, find something to be thankful for. In the life of every person, ups and downs are inevitable. This is the norm, this is life.

It is in difficult moments that it is extremely important to find something for which you can thank fate even on this rainy day. This will certainly help you find a way out of this situation.

18. In times of trouble, talk with your family, with teachers, with friends, with those who will help you survive the difficulties. You should not do this alone.

19. Start saying no. From this, you will not become worse, you will begin to respect yourself and become smarter.

20. Learn to forgive yourself. Are you still ashamed of some of your actions? Now is the time to let them go. You cannot influence your past, but your future is in your hands.

Treat what happened as a chance to gain experience, forgive yourself, and believe that you can change.

How to develop self-love

21. Record your thoughts. There are so many thoughts in your head that you don’t know what to grab onto? If thoughts are negative, then no matter how crazy, aggressive they might seem to you, write them down on paper and burn them.

So you can get rid of them.

22. Periodically look into yourself, disconnecting from the outside world. Pour yourself your favorite drink and sit quietly with yourself. Without a TV, phone and computer - only you.

Think about all the splendor that is happening in your life today, about your dream and the ways to achieve it.

23. Stop constantly waiting for approval from other people.

"You may be the juiciest and ripe peach in the world, but there will definitely be someone who cannot stand them." Dita Von Teese.

24. Look at life realistically. There are no people who are happy every moment of their lives. Why? Because life is different. People make mistakes, experience both positive and negative emotions.

This is the norm. Allow yourself to be human.

25. Develop your creativity. Leave your inner critic behind the door. Sculpt, dance, make music, draw, write, do whatever you like.

There are many ways to express yourself. Choose the one that you like and go.

26. Do not think about past injuries and injuries. . It is not simple. If it does not work, then try to ask for help from those who can help.

But after getting rid of them, life sparkles with other colors. You do not have to constantly carry past injuries, you deserve more.

27. Find a place where you feel good. Where is it? Where can you feel calm, joyful, happy and positive?

In difficult times, such a place can help you, go there, or mentally imagine yourself there. Submit your thoughts and feelings there.

28. The next time you feel that you are happy and ready to turn mountains, make a list of your achievements and best qualities.

This may seem to be somewhat narcissistic, but this list will be able to significantly improve your well-being on not the best days.

29. Listen to your inner dialogue.

If what you hear does not inspire and does not support, then the time for change has come. You should think and talk about yourself in the same way as you talk about your beloved friend, child, brother or sister.

thirty.Do not forget to have fun. Do something that you really like today and do it all the time, because you have one life and it is beautiful!

  1. All that is required in order to have love is to be love.
  2. Love does not require conditions.
  3. This experience is absolute and perfect.

Let us examine in detail the question of how to develop self-love.

Respecting your body means living a healthy lifestyle.

How to respect your body:

  1. Do not drink alcohol, cigarettes and other harmful substances. You must love your body, and love for it is expressed in the fact that you do not stuff it with harmful snuff, alcohol, inhalation and do not undermine its health.
  2. Develop your body, go to the gym. To feel pain from muscle growth when it comes to understanding that muscles use their full potential and you use them correctly. It's fine.
  3. These feelings of muscle development of the body and nutrition with proper food give you have great confidence and lightness in the body. Appreciate your body for it.

People get drunk and live their lives because they hate themselves and know nothing about how to learn to love and value themselves.

Respect your mind and consciousness, do not feed it with false information

What does this mean and how to implement it:

  1. You don’t need to watch any rubbish on TV.
  2. You need to think positively, have clear and precise thoughts. Have clean thoughts. And then you close your questions about.
  3. You remove all negative thoughts that only hinder progress.
  4. You need to develop your mind, learn new concepts, ideas, topics, look for the best solutions.
  5. Let your mind rest.
  6. Meditate. You can read more about.
  7. Show him that you respect him.

The implementation of these principles will be one of the main trump cards that close the question of how to start loving yourself as a loved one.

An example of how judging others restrains you

  1. For example, a man sings songs on the street with an accordion.
  2. And you go in with a friend and start pouring mud on him: “Here Chaliapin is found, there is no voice, there is nothing to do, but to the circus”, etc.
  3. The time comes when you need to speak to people on the street and sing a song. But you begin to shake, you are tense and confidence is lost somewhere.
  4. It is this grouchy grandmother, condemning others, that limits you in your actions.
  5. Never blame anyone. Both yourself and others.

The only thing you can condemn yourself :

  • Have I done everything in my power?
  • Have I done everything I can to get better?

8. If you do not like something, then do not endure, act

You can verbally tell a person that you don’t like it or with facial expressions and gestures show that you do not approve of it.

From childhood, mom taught you to endure in difficult situations and let them be.

It was the same at school. No need to endure!

These are not necessarily words; they can also be actions that suppress what you don't like.

Example : A man smokes in a car. And you do not tolerate cigarette smoke and never smoked. You immediately look for solutions to an unpleasant situation for you and say it out loud.

  • I suggest a person get out of the car and smoke aside.
  • I’m saying that I can’t stand the cigarette smell and I’m allergic.
  • I’m saying that we won’t be able to communicate with him until he stops smoking.

Implement this psychological technique and it will become easier to love yourself.

The more you solve unpleasant situations for you, the more love and self-respect will appear.

9. Have personal boundaries: what you accept in people and what not

Why it is important to have personal boundaries :

  • I don’t like it when a person sits on my neck.
  • I do not like gossips, liars and hypocrites.
  • Etc.

Also write your preferences that you value and respect in people.

This way you will know what you yourself want. You will know clear answers to questions from psychology about how to love yourself and respect.

10. When you achieve your goals, encourage yourself in every way: for example, buy sweets for yourself

If you set a goal and realized it, please yourself with pleasant things.

How does this help you in the future:

  • Thus, unconsciously, you fix in your head that achieving goals is doubly pleasant and tasty.
  • There is more energy to achieve the goal.
  • Buying yourself something, rewarding yourself for the result - emphasizes it, causes a natural love for yourself for your efforts and efforts.

For example, I like to buy myself sweets: chocolates, cake. To your taste. It is always a pleasure.

Implement this and you will no longer need the advice of a psychologist on how to start loving and respecting yourself.

11. Do not whine and do not let the whiners cry in your vest

You are not a sponge or a vest that you can cry into! Make it clear to everyone around you.

When you yourself whine near people for life and for people, you simply show them that they too can do the same to you.

Whining does not solve the problem in any way!

I don’t want to whine, I want to love a strong personality!

How to stop whiners:

  1. If the person next to you achs and laments for life , on people, pours out your soul and cries, ask him: “How will you solve your problem?”.
  2. If he continues to whine, then he is not going to decide anything . So, a person wants to just feel necessary for you, pour out your soul, feel your empathy.
  3. Ask yourself: “Why do you need such people?” . No doubt get rid of whiners, and you will already feel how you began to love yourself more for it.
  4. Take whiners out of your social circle , and around you there will be a strong and healthy ecosystem of emotions and only strong personalities are nearby. No whiner will pull you down.

An example of a situation where a man had a fight with a man on the street

How a person brought the situation to this:

  • I myself was too aggressive and emotional.
  • I called names and provoked a man.
  • I could just leave at any moment.
  • I myself was looking for adventure.
  • I pushed the man first.
  • I myself pulled the negative, which has been accumulating for a long time.

The joy algorithm: how to calculate it?

This is human nature - to forget. We forget our own achievements and realized dreams, and all the more so we are not able to appreciate the good of others that has ever been brought into our lives. Therefore, to find all this, start to keep a special diary in which:

  • thank life for all the good that it gave you - now, last week, in distant childhood: for every day of life, for birds singing outside the window, for the opportunity to read these lines with your own eyes, for living and healthy parents, for light and sincere warmth, the support of those who are dear.

more often confess your love to your family and friends: spouse, partner, children, parents, even for the smallest and most insignificant details,

do not drive the people around you into the framework of generally accepted standards and stereotypes: “Svetka’s girlfriend is so girlfriend from work, and I have ... one name!” But surely there is something good in your friends, you just need to remember this. It's just that all people are different and some are not like the others.

in conflict situations, perceive people not as a body shell with sins and shortcomings, but as an honest, bright soul, which, like an unconscious child, sometimes turns off the right path. And what do parents do with a child who, unknowingly, has done something wrong? That's right: regret it. Do not be angry, do not offend, do not take revenge, even if you are very hurt.

Yes, this is a colossal work on oneself, which requires tremendous efforts to overcome internal contradictions, but it will certainly bear fruit. After all, evil gives rise to bad, and only good - good.

In practice: write down “love”

To understand how to learn to love people:

  1. Get a special electronic document or notebook (if you prefer to write “the old fashioned way”), take a specific personality and describe several of its advantages: without sarcasm, jokes and other things - only all the good things that it can awaken in you, as they say, “like garlic ".

For example, Katya cooks wonderful and always treats her snacks, and Masha makes wonderful dolls with her own hands. So make up to 10 stats on your friends.

Remember those who you really don’t like, and do everything in a similar way. Write at least a few words about why this person can be loved. It seems that for nothing? Search - and find.

There is no need to invent something and ascribe to a person what is unusual for him, in order to appear to be a great humanist and just perform this task. Really need to find something good.

3. After analyzing what you did, you will understand the truth: despite the fact that all people are different, they have a lot in common and, most surprisingly, you and the person who causes the negative can also have common ground.

But if this is not, and you are as far away as two banks, this is just a reason to admit that a person just lives his own life, just does what he wants, and not because he is always looking for the opportunity to “annoy” you.

13. Know your strengths and unique values, write them and remember them

Know exactly what value is in you, what attractive characteristics and qualities.

If you do not know this, you will not be able to develop self-love and it will be harder when communicating with people.

For instance, it's great if while communicating with people, you, even without straining, bring such things as:

Whoever you are you already have value if only because you are unique .

Write down your unique qualities in writing and remember them. This will help to cope with anxious thoughts about how to learn to love a woman or a man.

Answer in writing the following questions:

  1. What makes your personality attractive?
  2. What are your hobbies, interests, hobbies?
  3. What feelings do you give to people who are in your environment, not trying and not making efforts?
  4. How deep do you know how to express your interesting personality when communicating with other people?
  5. How independent are you in yourself and free inside?

Different people have different values. With the development of your personality, your values ​​may change.

Life in love for people: techniques and techniques

Love for people is not skill, but skill:

  1. Express feelings. Everything is simple here: to receive, you must first give. And the more your present to others, the more they will give you.

In a friendly way to hug people. At these moments, try to open your energy zone of love, the so-called "heart chakra." Do not forget, after the hands and body have done their work, to fix the contact with a visual gaze filled with positive emotions. Hugging people, you kind of hug yourself, not only increasing self-esteem, but also gaining inner joy and harmony.

Also do not hesitate to ask another person to hug you if necessary, especially for children who are always sincere and disinterested. Proven fact: 20 hugs per day are necessary for a person to achieve psychological balance.

Saying "I love you" is not meant in the literal sense; you do not need to admit feelings to everyone indiscriminately. This skill is based on Carnegie’s technique, which consists in saying something good before telling a person bad news or making a comment.

For example, before yelling at a subordinate for a report that was not completed on time, praise him for successfully fulfilling the duties of another plan that prevented him from doing the main thing.

Just talk. No offense, accusations and reproaches. With tenderness, warmth and participation, because the way we talk with people clearly emphasizes our attitude and gives such emotions with which words are pronounced.

Smile even when meeting strangers. A smile, like a sunbeam, can illuminate not only a specific moment, but also a lifetime. To get started, try smiling at the random oncoming person in the elevator, instead of standing with your head bowed down to the floor. Smiling, look straight ahead.

Yes, it will make people pretty much puzzle over the reason for your fun, and some may even find you strange. But still, most often you will receive a priceless reward - a reciprocal smile. At this moment, think about the fact that you managed to evoke pleasant emotions in a person, make him think of a good one and at least raise his spirits - and your soul will feel easy and calm, and cruel and evil people around will disappear somewhere. Summing up, it must be said that for philanthropy often very little is needed - just to be open and sincere and always in a good mood.

14. Trust yourself and your intentions more, act according to your desires

  1. Say what you want.
  2. If what you do comes from good intentions, trust them, do and implement them!
  3. Whatever your desires and intentions, act according to them.

Do not be afraid to appear as those whom others do not want to see you! Because this is your life and you live for yourself, and not for others!

The more you trust yourself and act according to your desires, the more you live the life you want.

Examples of how people limit themselves in life due to the opinions of others:

  • Some people do not want to fully express themselves and their personality, because they are afraid to offend other people.
  • Someone doesn’t want to dance, because they’re afraid of experiencing disapproval or provoke smiles on the faces of others.

You can article about how to score on someone else’s opinion and get rid of shyness.

How to learn to love yourself and be a confident person

Stick to these principles, and you will no longer be soared about how to learn to love life and yourself.

Ask yourself the following questions:

  • What are your biases in this life?
  • What excites you and delights you?
  • What kind of humor do you like?
  • What kind of music do you like?

16. Set yourself a big goal that will excite and prevent you from falling asleep, and realize it

  1. Set yourself a goal that will excite you and prevent you from falling asleep !
    Live this dream and make it a reality every day.
  2. The more you set a goal for yourself, the more energy you have in your body to realize it and translate it into reality.
  3. If the goal is low and shallow, then there will be so much energy .
  4. Thus, on the way to the big goal, you will live an interesting life , there will be self-respect and a feeling that you are growing, and not standing still.

Remember the importance of the goal and you will close your questions about how to learn to love yourself and become an interesting person.

18. You do not need to be a super-ideal person

Our society, mass media and television inspire perfectionism and the desire to be superideal and correct.

Allegedly, you must have a perfect body, education.

In fact, no one wants to be perfect and right!

Replace this desire with the desire to fully accept and love yourself in any manifestation and expression.

People want to be themselves.

Allow yourself and other people to be who they are.

Thus, you will know everything about how to accept yourself and love.

Naughty emotions. How to love people through humility with their own feelings?

No one can argue that it is incredibly difficult to hide anger, distrust, resentment and other negative feelings. But the fact is that it is completely useless to abolish them by a willful act: this only contributes to the enormous loss of internal energy. Of course, a person can pull up an insincere smile, make flattering speeches or give empty gifts, keeping the poison of hatred in his heart. Therefore, the most competent move in this case is not to be afraid to hide your emotions behind the screen of hypocrisy, which is about to fall, and there will be no harm.

Undoubtedly, emotions did not stand next to love, nevertheless, they play a significant role in the mental state of each person.After all, love for others, not reasoned by feelings, means to love “badly”. Accordingly, it’s completely illogical to try to draw warm feelings at a subconscious level and to convince yourself of a good attitude towards your neighbor, because this is self-deception.

But do not forget that between actions and feelings there is a close relationship. Hundreds of years ago, James and Lange discovered a very useful law for modern society: emotions follow behavior.

To love “badly”, or how to love people in a conscious way?

A brilliant way to change your negative attitude towards people is to start loving them in a "bad way." Like this? In fact, such a primitive phrase carries a deep meaning. The problem of almost every modern person is to understand love as a special state, which often he is not able to explain even to himself. For some reason, we think that such a magical feeling will necessarily fall from the sky - and right in the heart. It doesn’t happen!

To love others is to initially formulate this decision in your subconscious, and then confirm it with appropriate behavior. That is, love is not a static feeling - it is the result of prolonged work on yourself and your emotions. This is not a ready-made state, but the most difficult path, the initial steps of which, as a rule, are ugly and awkward, but most importantly, they are.

It is possible to fall in love with each person, it is only worth programming an individual plan of action. To begin with, you should stop avoiding unpleasant people, after which the process falls into the “hands” of fantasy. It is completely uncomplicated to pay attention to a person, give him a smile, conclude in his thoughts the installation: “By the way, he is a very good person,” and to do good deeds in relation to one's neighbor, even if one-sidedly. The result of the above thinking is the formation of light in the darkness of dislike, which makes the person himself feel warmer.

An honest attitude to your emotional state is, of course, competent. It allows you to see your own inner darkness and not live self-deception. In addition, it serves as an excellent way to notice the undulating nature of our emotions, because often we do not always love loved ones. But loving “badly” is undeniable, the optimal solution is to turn on the inner light and program your good attitude towards the person. Do not forget that thoughts are material and the image of the interlocutor is a product of imagination. It should be remembered that a “bad” love for people will certainly show that you have room to grow.

Black dot on a white sheet

Once a young guy was sitting on a bench in an autumn park. His eyes were full of unreasonable sadness. A lovely girl passed by and decided to inquire about the reason for such a bewildered look. The guy did not hide that his wife became unbearable in communication, he was very annoyed. The girl’s reaction was very unexpected: she smiled, after which she took a sheet of paper from her purse and drew a black dot there. “What do you see here?” She asked the young man. “Fat point,” he answered in surprise. The mysterious stranger explained that the guy’s problem is the reluctance to see a white sheet due to the absolute focus on the point. So it is with respect to people: no one is perfect, but in each person there is much more good than bad. And this is an occasion to close our eyes to minor flaws and love our neighbor, regardless of such ridiculous circumstances.

Love the man himself - and life will sparkle with completely different colors. After all, everyone is able to engender a warm feeling without conventions. This can be proved by the complete acceptance of life and all its components. You have reconciled with birds, trees, the sun above your head and all-all-all, so what prevents you from accepting people for who they are?

Premature findings are often misleading

Almost everyone has a stupid habit of making premature conclusions about a person, which makes it very difficult to love people. Psychology gives good advice on this: in obscure situations, you should always put yourself in the place of another.

If you are sure that a certain person is completely uncharacteristic of rude or selfish behavior, then you should think about the causes of its occurrence. Most likely, this is due to trouble at work or in personal life. In general, there are many factors of emotional restraint, but this is not the point. The main thing is to learn to understand a person and, if necessary, help him, because it often happens that with his incomprehensible behavior he screams for help. It is very important at this stage to hear this call. All people are good, you should only at least superficially unravel and understand them (“love” and “understand” as synonyms).

Annoying everyone? This is a problem, and it is inside

How to love people and not reach that critical point when absolutely everyone begins to annoy and provoke negative feelings? Sometimes a person manages to find flaws completely in each of the current environment. He does not like a certain character trait, manner of behavior, communication or conversation, clothing style and, finally, just presence.

This behavior in psychology is explained by a phenomenon called the “projection trap”, which does not allow you to love a person for who he is. The fact is that each person embodies two aspects. The bright one is ready to fully accept and approve the behavior of his neighbor. And the shadow side of personality is associated with denial of oneself. Like this? A person who has fallen into this trap begins to ascribe his aspirations and intentions to other people only because he is not able to recognize them in himself at the level of consciousness. He projects his shadow part on his neighbor, and therefore irritation towards others is rapidly gaining momentum in direct proportion to his own denial. It must be remembered: a person is not able to notice in the neighbor those character traits that he is not endowed with.

Respecting your body means living a healthy lifestyle.

How to respect your body:

  1. Do not drink alcohol, cigarettes and other harmful substances. You must love your body, and love for it is expressed in the fact that you do not stuff it with harmful snuff, alcohol, inhalation and do not undermine its health.
  2. Develop your body, go to the gym. To feel pain from muscle growth when it comes to understanding that muscles use their full potential and you use them correctly. It's fine.
  3. These feelings of muscle development of the body and nutrition with proper food give you have great confidence and lightness in the body. Appreciate your body for it.

People get drunk and live their lives because they hate themselves and know nothing about how to learn to love and value themselves.

Erase the line between the love of life and people

In the previous sections, the manifestation of love and respect for people through self-confidence was examined in detail. This factor plays a huge role, but no less important is another aspect: how to love life and people? In this chapter, warmth for society is defined as a consequence of an optimistic life position. There are people who notice only the positive aspects of life and all kinds of pleasures that provides them every day. Such people try to avoid negative moments or close their eyes to them.

But such a train of thought is appropriate not only in relation to love of life, but also regarding the acceptance of others. So, in order to genuinely form within you a warm attitude towards people, you need to truly love all aspects of life. You should take a sleepy morning, autumn rain and even an allergy to your favorite fruit - then you will be absolutely ready to let humanity into your life.

All love begins inside

If you are in harmony with yourself, then it will not be difficult for you to love a loved one. Many have the illusion that they live with households, colleagues, friends, lovers and at the same time build relationships with them. In fact, they live and build relationships with themselves (“I was born”, “I got married” and so on). But communication with others directly depends on self-assessment. Antoine de Saint-Exupery in his work "The Little Prince" led a particularly truthful dialogue, which once again proves that the initial element in the life of every happy person is inner peace and harmony with yourself: "You are beautiful, but empty. You won’t want to die for your sake. ”

Exactly! When a person in every possible way develops and improves, he begins to be proud of himself more and more. So, self-love grows in direct proportion to the enrichment of the inner world. Accordingly, the degree of vitality and humanity is significantly increased, which is the ultimate goal of a person who has not yet accepted his environment.

Remaining oneself is the decision of happy people

It's no secret that the immediate person is the happiest person. Indeed, if you know how to remain yourself in any situation, then the loss of energy is completely irrelevant for you, because it is only “masked people” who are shy or afraid to show real ones who lose it.

It must be remembered that because of the play of other people's roles you can not live your own life, but to understand this only at the end of the path, when it will be too late. So, it is advisable to accept that you are in any case different from others. Trying to fix it is completely useless and even stupid, because you can use this chance wisely, and then endlessly enjoy life and yourself.

Each of you must realize that by loving the soul of a person, you will open the doors for yourself to the unknown world of harmony and prosperity. Before you enter them, you will surely burn all the masks and with your head held high take the first step into a new future, where you will fully enjoy your spontaneity and mutual openness of others.

It’s enough to correspond to your idea that it’s normal

To be in pathos cool places, it is not necessary to have super-expensive clothes.

To do this, it is enough to look appropriate to your idea of ​​what is normal.

Well, it is desirable, of course, to learn in advance about the requirements of the institution and comply with them. If there are no special requirements, then nothing needs to be matched.

  • It’s very foolish to advise a person to always think positively. . This is equivalent to keeping in mind and forcibly clinging to some thoughts.
  • Any condition is temporary and intermittent . All people have a state that changes and it makes no sense to make a person depend on a state and constantly chase after it.
  • This does not mean that now you can be a vile evil grandmother . Not.
  • You need to love yourself no matter what your condition . Be congruent with yourself and love yourself in any manifestation.

That's all the tips are over. Now you know everything about how to love yourself and interpret this concept correctly.

How to learn this with a piece of paper and a pen

  1. Whatever the situation, no matter what the negative happens, ask yourself the question: “How did I create this situation?"And write down the points of the answer to this question on the sheet.
  2. Find as many answers as possible, where exactly are you the initiator and creator of the situation.
    Find as many answers to the question as possible.
  3. Thus, you will stop blaming others for what you have now.
    You will stop complaining about others and whining.
  4. There will come an understanding that the situation in which you are now is only on your shoulders, and you alone are responsible for what happened.

Use this effective method from psychology on the topic of how to learn to love yourself in practice.

17. It is important to love other people: do not try to change them

It is important to love and accept people as they are.

  1. What does it mean to love people and accept them as they are? This does not mean that you are running to help homeless people and evil people.
    This means that you accept all people as they are, do not resist their nature and do not try to change them.
  2. It is futile to try to change all people. Especially if they don’t ask you about it.
    It's like trying to change the universe.
  3. Trying to change everyone is a resistance to reality. Resistance enhances stress and internal burden. You do not resist their essence and do not waste your strength changing them.
  4. All the people around are a reflection of you.. The way you see them, that is how you yourself are.
    If you think everyone around is evil, change your perception. Maybe you yourself are evil inside and you need to work with it.

Be aware of these principles, re-read them sometimes and don’t worry about how to love yourself and other people too.

19. Do not forget to respect yourself and just look neat

  • Appearance determines NOT the future attitude of others around you and not the attitude of the opposite sex to you.
  • Appearance determines first of all your own attitude to yourself, your self-esteem.
  • If a person doesn’t look very good: he’s untidy, in dirty trousers, a non-washable shirt, unpleasant odors emanate from him, then this suggests that this person first of all does not respect himself.
  • From here, he no longer has to rely on the respect of anyone. And even more so it will undermine your self-confidence.
  • It’s enough to look normal, good, decent.
  • No need to wear expensive costumes for several thousand. They really do not solve anything.

Wrong advice from other people and mistakes

  • It’s very foolish to advise a person to always think positively.. This is equivalent to keeping in mind and forcibly clinging to some thoughts.
  • Any condition is temporary and intermittent. All people have a state that changes and it makes no sense to make a person depend on a state and constantly chase after it.
  • This does not mean that now you can be a vile evil grandmother. Not.
  • You need to love yourself no matter what your condition. Be congruent with yourself and love yourself in any manifestation.

That's all the tips are over. Now you know everything about how to love yourself and interpret this concept correctly.

Watch the video: Learning to Love Yourself. Amanda Jetté Knox. [email protected] (February 2020).

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